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wFriday, March 29, 2002 |
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today's rating: 6ish
so ya know how people have said that when they met their true love, it was because fate brought them together at that exact location at that exact time?
i've decided that girlspace and i don't fall under that category. whenever i sit down at my computer and scan my buddy list, she'll have just turned idle. always. never fails. anytime i see who's online, she's been idle for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, 13 minutes. it absolutely never fails.
i think a higher power is tryin to tell me something......i spend waaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on instant messenger.
music o' the moment: Adam Ant - Goodie Two Shoes
total steve-ism: the good thing about experience is that it teaches you to recognize your mistakes the second and third times you make them.
posted by
yeah...about that... at 9:32 PM
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wThursday, March 28, 2002 |
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today's rating: 7.something
hmmm...so maybe i'm a psychic.
wednesday i humored the idea that girlspace wouldn't be lifeguarding during my water polo practice. i shoulda taken odds, woulda made a fortune. apparently she asked one of my other friends this afternoon to take her shift. so maybe she reads this crap. or it's just pure coincidence. either way, i wish she'd talk to me. i've heard the "i've been busy" excuse my whole life. oh yeah, she said i was a nice guy the last time we went out. i think it was in the context of "you've always been nice to me," not to be confused with "ya know, you're a nice guy...but...."
so maybe nice guys just get dumped on a lot. i mean, it's not the first time people have taken advantage of me. maybe i just get sucked in, i buy the whole bit. i had a roommate once that was only nice to me if he needed something. yeah, that situation worked out as well as a (insert polish analogy here - solar powered flashlight, screen door on a submarine, etc).
but i like being the nice guy. i like being the one to help people out. i've got 24 hours to spend, why waste it all on me? and though i may not appear to be as altruistic in reality as i am, um, mentally...in my utopian view of society, i like to think that i am....
music o' the moment: Stephen Lynch - Half a man
writing o' the day: another one of those "didn't write today, but it should be up here anyway" things...i was playing my guitar today, and found amidst my pages of random tablature a song that didnt have music...i guess that makes it a poem or something.
a beautiful girl standing all alone
a frail young figure on her own
she walks along the sandy beach
looking out as far as the eye can see
at the stinging surf and the waves crashing down
a flash of light reveals a tear traversing her pale face
her eyes overflow with a maddening cry
she wishes she could turn back time
because she's lost what matters most to her
because she's lost her one best friend
the one she's known forever
they'd said it would never end
their love was innocent and true
and now it'll have to stand the test of time
a couple years of cries and tears
and she'll forever wonder why
why she's lost what matters most to her
why she's lost her one best friend
the one she's known forever
they'd said it would never end
an empty seat in the afternoon
no one to tell her secrets to
an absence in her heart a mile wide
still she braves the cold all by herself
her arms wrapped round her tight
if she only knew they were still together
but in a different kind of light
they haven't lost what matters most to them
they haven't lost their one best friend
they're still so close, they'll never part
for she still loves him deep in her heart
yeah, so um...i wrote this when my girlfriend-at-the-time's dog was taken away. some dumb lady said it attacked her, even though it was one of the nicest dogs i've ever been around. anyway, it's amazing what inspires us to write......and the words they bring forth.
posted by
yeah...about that... at 10:24 PM
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yeah, so yesterday kinda fizzled out. whatever i was on causing my totally awesome high apparently wears off around 9 or 10pm.
now don't get your panties in a twist. i'm not talkin about various illegal substances here. nah, i'm more of a natural high kinda guy...must be the alignment of the planets or something.
so anyway, to all good things come an end. today's rather blah, if ya know what i mean. perhaps a let down after having such an awesome day, that the feeling doesn't continue on for eternity.
music o' the moment: Fenix TX - Telefornication
posted by
yeah...about that... at 1:33 PM
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wWednesday, March 27, 2002 |
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today's rating: 9.something
man, i hope i have a billion days like today. today was nothing like yesterday.
last night, i put off writing my inorganic chemistry lab reports til this morning. i just didnt feel like doing it. so i slept. i planned on missing my 9 and 10 o clock classes. my alarm went off at 8. i slammed my hand down on the snooze button, rolled over and went back to sleep, telling myself i'd get up in ten minutes. we've all had that thought. and we all had what happened next: i woke up at 11.
my labs were due at noon. subtracting the ten minutes it takes me to drive to school, the five minutes to put on clothes, and the mandatory five minutes of slacking off i reserve for each hour, i had forty minutes to write the labs. i never flew through a lab write up so easily before. i was actually done in time to stop by McDonald's on my way to school and take advantage of their 49 cent cheeseburgers. i was compelled to buy 6...
and although i am often handicapped by my, um, lab partner (he can only be described as ""interesting"), today i made friendly with a (female) student and we flew through the lab. my original lab partner and i are usually the last ones to leave lab pushing the three hour envelope. today we finished under an hour and a half. could the day get any better? i think not.
it's just been one of those days. as if each day has a limited amount of goodness, and all the goodness from the past three sucky days were stored up and released today. i wonder how long this'll last.....
music of the day: Lagwagon - Layman's terms
original writing o' the day although i wrote this a couple days ago, i figured i'd put it up anyway. and although thoughts and feelings change, they shouldn't go to waste....
if you felt for me the way i feel for you,
you'd tell me, right?
instead i'm hearing stories
about some guy who spent the night
and i'm goin insane
i'm breaking apart inside
i feel like you're using me
a time killer and a space filler
and it's not fair
so throw your arms around me
or just walk away
but i can't bear to be around you
one more day
waiting around for you
to tell me you feel the same
and i'm beginning to wonder
if i made the whole thing up
posted by
yeah...about that... at 6:06 PM
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today's rating: 6.5
yeah....so, ummm....riiiiiight.
today was kinda weird. i felt really detached. from everything.
Hygiene i know i've said it before, but did you ever stop and think about the things we do? that every morning you get out of bed still half asleep, squeeze some gunk from a tube onto a stick and rub it around in your mouth? or step in a really large cup and drown yourself in a clear liquid which supposedly cleans you?
Driving you exit your abode and get in your car/truck/suv/moving thing and you take a pointy thing, stick it in the hole, turn it, and suddenly you control two tons of electronic gizmos and steel? or what if you're really sitting still in your faux leather seat made from unsuspecting naga's, and how the whole world is moving under you like you're one of those little metal balls in those plastic maze games?
Movability i fell down today. i thought about walking, and i fell. apparently the subconcious "walking" section of my brain got jealous of the concious part, and figured it wasn't needed anymore. i forgot how to walk. lemme just say it was really weird.
girlspace update: day 2 since i've talked to her. we were supposed to go to a concert tonite. i IM'd her, then i called her, then i called her again. no reply. no answer. no answer. i went to the concert by myself. it wasn't that great, by the way. it was the closest i've ever been to being stood up. i don't think this really counts as being stood up, because i knew she wasn't coming before i left my house...i think there's some rule about that. anyway, wednesdays have never really been good for us...we're both really busy. and usually i see her at water polo practice thursday....maybe she'll be there lifeguarding. maybe she'll get someone to take her shift.....
posted by
yeah...about that... at 12:02 AM
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wTuesday, March 26, 2002 |
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i was talkin to my friend in Instant Messenger, one of the greatest devices ever created by man, and she said the most hilarious thing. i couldn't stop laughing...check it out...(the names have been changed to protect the innocent)
tinmushroom: well.... I actually need to go do something productive :-( now
tinmushroom: not that talking to you isn't productive :-)
cage fiend: i see how it is....
cage fiend: well, you've got your priorities
tinmushroom: but... I meant more along the lines of some hw
cage fiend: i should be studyin too...got two tests tomorrow
tinmushroom: see.... I'm doing this for you
tinmushroom: aren't I nice O:-)
cage fiend: the best i could ask for...and get
tinmushroom: MVLEEMRIRIDISNEQNRKMLVDFLGKRYEIA EDNFDLLIIDGVTLKRKWREIERIKAESRAFLP VLLVTTRKDLKIAEKHLWKRVDELIIEPVDKLE LLARIEILLRARKQALQLEEHARIME
:-) well good luck on your tests
tinmushroom: ooopp....sorry about that
cage fiend: i should say so
tinmushroom: I accidentally pasted some amino acid sequences
cage fiend: hahahahhahaha
cage fiend: what a nerd
tinmushroom: shut up
i accidentally pasted some amino acid sequences?!?!?!?! when am i ever gonna hear someone say that to me again? thanks alice...you rock
posted by
yeah...about that... at 1:03 AM
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wMonday, March 25, 2002 |
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today's rating: 7
my grandmother is in town visiting for my dad's birthday. she lives near tampa, florida. and she brought me a lemon. now, a lemon on it's own is not very interesting. but this particular lemon is rather sentimental. you see, it grows on a tree, planted on this most habitable planet on the day of my birth 22 years, one month, and eight days ago. whenever i visit her, i always take the time to enjoy my lemon tree. i'll sit there staring at it's branches and leaves and fruit, depending on the season, and wax philosophical aloud on how the fragile limbs sway in the breeze and survive torrential storms and every year come alive again sprouting new leaves and bearing bright yellow fruit.
on another topic, i haven't talked to my girlspacefriend today. and i'm not sure what to think or how to feel. so i'm left with a list of mixed signals....do i just tally up each side and see which is more? nah..lists are bad. but stories are good....
she said she come see me while i was out of town, but something happened and she couldn't. she swore she'd make it up and come next time. the first trip was an hour away, this second trip five and a half. and she came...five and a half hours...to see me? nah, that can't be right. no one has ever gone that far to see me. i've had friends that live ten minutes away not come see me...but five and a half? so if i were to make a list, which i'm not, that's a definite plus in my mind. so when she got there things were cool. we kinda hung out and talked and i gave her a shoulder massage. but as the evening grew on, and even more evident the next day, she appeared bored with me. she'd all of a sudden stop talking to me and get up and walk away. and on my pseudo-list, that's a resounding minus. and on the way home, it was arranged so i could ride with her. we probably didn't say more than ten sentences to each other. go figure...
and it was so great to have her there. honestly, it's so great to be around her. she makes me happy and blah blah blah (insert sappy stuff here). but then she comes right out and tells me how she's hanging out with her guys who she likes or likes her or some other combination not including me. and she tells me stories of how some guy spent the night....she actually tells me this...to my face. and it so crushed me inside. on the outside, i'm sayin "eh, it happens...part of bein in college." but man, it feels like shit. so i dunno where we stand or even where i stand. i'm tired of all the games...back and forth, thinking one thing and then another.
and i'm sure she thinks she's being obvious one way or another. but i'm done. i give up. i quit. unless she tells me something that makes me change my mind, i'm done. we're just chillin and she's just my girlspacefriend.
posted by
yeah...about that... at 9:54 PM
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wSunday, March 24, 2002 |
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i wanted to think it had worked itself out
but it appears she just wanted to hang out
maybe one day we'll have something more,
but for now, she's just my girlspacefriend
i got caught looking for hidden meanings in the things she said
i got caught up in the fantasy of the two of us together
and maybe this awkwardness won't last forever
but for now, she's just my girlspacefriend
i think back on all the places we've gone
and then i realize i haven't known her very long
so there's no sense in pushing the issue
right now, she'll stay just my girlspacefriend
posted by
yeah...about that... at 5:48 PM
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wsleepless nights... |
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thoughts and musings and quandries that plague my mind....
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| wget in the now |
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| name: Steve |
| what's my sign: Aquarius |
| school: Georgia Tech |
| AIM: cage fiend |
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| today is February 22 |
| the time is 4:52 AM |
feeling 
| | wearing: workout clothes |
| eating: nothing |
| drinking: water |
| today's plans: get through today, and the next, and the next... |
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