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wThursday, December 12, 2002 |
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this kinda fits in with what i was just talkin about. kinda, but not really...more of a tangent if anything at all.
i didnt write it. just kinda found it and agreed and figured i didnt need to take the time to say what someone else so eloquently said....
"there's a difference between someone who takes a blow with stride and someone who strides because they never took a blow.
envy:
at the time milton wrote Paradise Lost, it meant to hate someone for being happy
now, we define it as hating someone for having something
i take this as a reflection of our changing perception of happiness and a rather sad one at that.
moreover, the question: "what makes you happy?" pisses me off - it leaves out the possibility that you could just simply be happy and speaks to the general thought that we need something or someone to "make" us happy - allowing something or someone to "make" you happy and become the source of happiness is a mistake. people just don't realize it until that thing or person is gone. they degenerate into little lost puppy dogs that don't seem to know quite what to do with themselves.
no one can ruin a damn fine day unless you let them - no one should take that much precidence.
that's great if someone manages to enhance your state, but they should not become the definition of your state.
happiness is contingent upon nothing but yourself.
that is why some people can take things with stride without fearing another blow.
while, the one who strides because he never took a blow is in a state of instability waiting to happen.
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loners kill me. i used to be one - no one can hurt you because no one can touch you. but, that's the thing. no one can touch you. consequently, you grow so numb that you just hurt anyways.
floaters kill themselves. i used to be one of those too. no one can touch them because no one knows them. they know everyone else but fail to cultivate any relationships of depth. they never root themselves into one - float instead. floaters are loners in disguise - the difference being that they have to witness everyone else. they witness everything of which they are not a part despite their presence. so, they float and float and float until they realize they have no where to land and plummet.
and, even if a loner or floater tells you they prefer to be that way - they are either lying, have not figured out how to relieve their state, or even more sadly, they never knew otherwise. "
Amen.
posted by
yeah...about that... at 1:16 AM
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yeah, so it's been a while
and while i actually have been busy this past week, i wasn't so busy that i couldn't find the time to write here. i didnt care really. it's kinda grown old. and if you know me at all, you know my life is just full of phases. always moving on to the next big thing, i have never expected to stay in one place very long.
and i know certain people will read this and say how sorry they feel for my girlfriend, that she's just another phase i'm moving through. but then you would have to know that i never can tell a story all the way from the beginning to the end. i always forget some part and throw it in wherever i am asking you to remember where it goes and apply it to what i say next.
so add to what i said earlier about my life just being full of phases. there are constants. my parents being the biggest. secondly, old friends i used to see all the time that i don't seem to talk to anymore. go figure. thirdly would have to be jaymi. the only reason she's not second on the list would be because i haven't known her as long as my old friends. but she's none the less important.
and just to add semantics to this rant, i can't honestly say that our relationship isn't a phase. can you say something is a phase while you're still in it? doesn't it have to end first? anyway, if it is a phase, it's fantastic and i wouldn't trade it for anything. i hope things stay this well for a long time to come.
and of course i wouldn't be writing here unless i had something important that i'm putting off. that being studying for my manufacturing processes final exam. which, as i think about it, has also been a constant in my life: putting things off for a later time/date. i've never been one to place myself under the burden of time. i don't even wear a watch....
but now i only have 10 and a half hours til i take my test...
dammit, so there i go contradicting myself again...un otro constante en my vida
posted by
yeah...about that... at 1:12 AM
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wsleepless nights... |
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thoughts and musings and quandries that plague my mind....
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| wget in the now |
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| name: Steve |
| what's my sign: Aquarius |
| school: Georgia Tech |
| AIM: cage fiend |
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| today is February 22 |
| the time is 4:52 AM |
feeling 
| | wearing: workout clothes |
| eating: nothing |
| drinking: water |
| today's plans: get through today, and the next, and the next... |
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